Make sure you finish these work memes by 5:00 PM (Eastern Time), even if it means setting everything else aside.

It's a funny thing, you know, the nature of productivity. My job here requires me to be productive with how many memes I can put out a day and, more recently, how much I can write around them. All of that is done so that these memes will be more enticing for YOU, distracting you from your own productivity at a job that, in all likelihood, is significantly more important to society than mine.

Isn't that wild? My job is, in essence, to distract you from yours. The more time you spend here, not getting any of your s--t done, the better I look to my corporate overlords. And they wonder why society isn't advancing the way it used to.